I am getting tired. Tired of guessing, tired of always making wrong assumptions, tired of working towards an aimless goal. Tired of everything... every single thing that is revolving around me now... Just when I thought that things are going the way that I want them to be, bad things will always happen. Not just in my civilian life, but my army life as well...
I really have no idea why things are as such, but I really hope that things will change for the better. It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what you dreamed it would be, especially when you feel that you have commited your hundred percent.
It has been a couple of months since I have last updated. Over the past few months, the major event that was worth reflecting upon was the Jungle Orientation Course that I had in Brunei. Through the few days of navigation in the thick vegetation of Brunei Jungle, I have experienced a lot and more importantly, I have learned to treasure and appreciate the people and priviledges around me more.
Climbing on fours up steep slopes in Full Battle Order, sliding down storeys-high slopes, collecting stream water for drinking, hugging and sleeping on and close to one another to keep ourselves warm in the stormy night and combat swimming across river are part and parcel of all that we had accomplished in the entire training. The experience was really physically and mentally exhausting and there are many times when I felt like giving up. We kept climbing up and clambering down steep slopes for hours and days and at some point in time, I really felt as if my body and heart will fail me anytime. That three days living in the jungle was the longest three days that I have lived. We do not know when we will get out of the jungle and what really motivated and pushed me on then was the words of encouragement she had given to me before I left for Brunei. But still, the unexpected happened... It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves...
The month of May is coming to an end soon and every single night in camp, I have been counting down to allow myself to gauge the number of days I have left with training, as an Officer Cadet.
10 weeks to Exercise Battleking in Thailand
112 days to Commissioning Parade
18 weeks to Commissioning Ball
Personally, trainee life as an Artillery Officer Cadet is tough and it is definitely not as simple as what other people have thought it is, considering the amount and intensity of Physical Training, Remedial Training, SOC Test, IPPT Test, Knowledge-based Theory Test, Practical Test and outfield Exercises that we have...Frankly speaking, I am not very sure if I can commission as an officer at the end of the 38 weeks Officer Cadet Training but nevertheless, I will still give my very best to make sure I do pass out as 74/08 OCC.
12 September 2009. Exactly one year from my date of Enlistment. That will be the day that I am looking forward to. The day that I will stand in the middle of the Parade Square in my No. 1 Uniform. The day when my parents can really be proud of me. The day I that I can officially thank my friends who have encouraged me since the start of my Officership training. The day that I will sincerely thank her, provided if I can still invite her to the parade, for all that she has done a year ago.
For now, let nature takes its course for I will not want to carry any high hopes anymore...
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