So confused...

So many undesired events had so happened in my life recently that I am gradually feeling depressed and troubled by all the stuff that are making my life so damn painful. At this state that I am in right now, how I wished that I can be withdrawn out from my current situation and escape to a place where everything can happen as I wished. But now, as a grown-up person who is about to drop the status of being addressed as a 'teenager', I know for a fact, such hopes can never ever happen, even to the extent of it occuring in my dreams. Life is getting so messed up and I'm starting to hate my life. Facing the reality is too agonizing for me.

Ever since I received my enlistment notice, stating the date, the time and my unit of posting to BMTC School 1, I have been trying my best to deceive myself, persuading my despairing mind with all the goods about army. Frankly speaking, I had always harboured the thought of getting into the Singapore Police Force and for that, all my friends around me knew it. I recognized that chances of getting in was tough because of that 'particular' reason, but then, I had always thought that the nationality of my kins can probably contribute a tad. But yet, all my wishful thinkings were dashed. Everything was gone in less than sixty seconds within a single call that was made to the pre-enlistees' hotline.

Two dreadful years I foresee. Suffering, punishments and adjusting to a militay lifestyle. These are not what I am afraid of. What I am discontented with is knowing the fact that I am in there wasting two years of my life, protecting an island which are occupied by bountiful foreign talents that are being favoured and highly sort of. Whatever it is, this is Singapore, and serving the nation is the responsibilty of every Singaporean son. No one should complain. Neither should I.

Probably in the future, I may want to emigrate to Malaysia, where I believe is the place that I should belong. Despite all the security matters that had somehow affected the image of Malaysia recently, I still feel that it is a wonderful place to live in. In fact, the idea of returning to my 'homeland' has been lingering in my mind since young. Setting up a family there and living happily forever after. How perfect can it be. The scenary is beautiful, the rural environment of true mother nature are pleasant to the soul, social life is not as stressful as what we are facing here and most importantly, for what I feel, the people there are very friendly.

In fact, all the comments made above are based on my personal encounters with Malaysians. Just like those colleagues in the company where I worked in. From what I see, they really do know how to present themselves well. Very well I should say. Being polite is their way of life and true elegance is what they possess. These attributes are hard to come by for Singaporeans. Bossing around is what they are good in and it is no wonder that even maids are moving overseas.

For some reasons, I very much love their Malaysian accent. Especially the way they communicate with me in Chinese. Unique yet sweet and pleasant to the ears. Contrast that with the thick China-Chinese. Unique but somehow it hurts... No offence to the Chinese, for that is how I personally feel.

Can you imagine yourself waking up early in the morning, and the first pleasant surprise you get is the greetings from your loved one in that special Malaysian accent. That's simply godly.

Anyway, for people who are interested to know my choice of institution for further studies. Do check back for updates for that is going to be a major life-changing decision that anyone in the same situation is facing. Another decision to make is whether I should go for the Malaysia Trip with the Scouts. Really in a dilemma right now for if I choose to go, I might have to quit my current part-time job since I can't possibly apply for a one-week leave. If not, I will extend my work period to the end of August, at least to provide me with a source of earning before I submit myself to the country. Will see how things proceed then since I need to wait for the reply from MOE for my relief-teaching application.

Good Luck readers!